professionalism #7
since the weather has been so nice lately, lunchtime is nice outside in the shade. i walked out yesterday and found the doktor sitting on the cement up against the building.
“be quiet…come here and watch this.”
“what’s up?”
as i’m sitting down next to him, i hear this cackling semi-scream emanate from the street.
“ST.CLAIR!”
“who the fuck is that? oh christ…” it was irene, the freak from shipping...four foot nothing and crazier than bat shit.
“ST. CLAIR!”
“What?”
“nothing…just checking assholes! ha ha HA!”
damm her! i had to look away. “what is she doing in the street?”
“i have no idea…i came out her to smoke and she told me to ‘watch this.’ i’m not leaving…this is gonna be good.”
“well, what is she gonna do?”
“i have no idea man.”
“HEY GUYS…keep an eye on me!”
the doktor waved a hand. “did you hear about that rabid hyena in Malawi?” he asked. “it killed five people and wounded like fifteen others before the police shot it.”
“no shit.”
“yeah man…that’s fuckin’ crazy.”
“those things are big…i bet they’re about half the size of a lion or better and they’re pretty tall.”
“really?”
“yeah…i saw it on jackass when pontius and steve-o were playing ham football with a pack of hyenas.”
“that wasn’t jackass, it was the wildboyz.”
“whatever.”
irene steps out from between two parked cars on the far side of the street. a black escalade motors past. “NOT THAT ONE!” she yells.
“yeah…this hyena was terrorizing the village,” the doktor continued, “apparently, a group of people wielding axes and knives cornered the beast, put a hurtin’ on it, yet it still managed to get away and kill again.”
“no shit.”
“no shit…they were convinced witchcraft was involved.”
“involved in what? the animal getting away?”
“or just the animal in general. the police or the army or someother such nonsense moved in and killed the animal. they are policing the area regularly to calm the people, but some are still afraid to go out of their houses.”
“i believe it.”
an engine hums from my right, and irene peers from between the cars again. something midsize, a maxima or toyota maybe, slides from right to left and out of sight. irene screams, “OOOOO…I SHOULDA TRIED THAT ONE…hey…WATCH! WATCH!”
“maybe they were right,” i said.
“who?”
“the villagers.”
“about what?”
“the witchcraft.”
“yeah.”
“i mean, how else do you explain the hyena taking that kind of beating yet continuing to go on a killing spree?”
“uh, how about the fact that it’s a WILD FUCKING ANIMAL with a BRAIN FEVER...use your head.”
“i don’t believe it, it just being a disease…i think it was witchcraft.”
“you’re a moron...”
“GUYS! GUYS! YOU WATCHING?”
“speaking of morons…” he said.
“some things you just can explain man.”
“alright…but that fuckin’ hyena was no product of witchcraft.”
“where is your evidence?”
“you’re head is in the sand.”
“i’m for real man…explain david blaine.”
“he’s a charlatan.”
“how does he do that stuff?”
“i don’t know…smoke and mirrors, trick photography, sleight of hand…”
“magic, motherfucker, magic.”
“GUYS…WATCH!”
a high-pitched sputter comes from around the bend and into my line of sight.
“what is she gonna do man?”
“who knows?”
“HEY! HEY!”
irene has been peering around the parked cars, and apparently this blue Geo metro is the kind of car she had been looking for. as the driver switches gears, irene runs from between the parked cars into the middle of the street. she faces the oncoming car and charges…when the two meet, she steps onto the front bumper with her right leg, leaps onto the roof with her left, and jumps, landing perfectly on the pavement.
“Holy Shit!”
“where the fuck do we work?”
“HA! DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT? HA! PRETTY TRICKY, AIN’T I?”
she stood in the middle of the street, her hair disheveled and her dress all jacked-up from the frenzy. a distant chemical smile spread across her face and she threw her hands on her hips. she called to mind something crude, and she seemed out of place in such a setting. dock work or butchering would suit her personality better...perhaps a professional carnie.
“LET’S SEE YOU TWO LAME-O’s PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT…HA!”
i heard an engine whine, this time from my left…the same high-pitched sputter as before. the blue Geo. it was racing down the street with no sign of slowing and irene was completely oblivious.
“IRENE,” i yelled.
“OH YEAH RIGHT, ST. CLAIR, LIKE I’M GONNA FALL FOR…”
BAM…the Geo hit her squarely from the side…blew her off her feet like shit through the screen door. the doktor and i watched her sail from the cement, but we had to stand to get a better look at where she landed.
she jumped to her feet, cackling, “ha ha HA!”
“you don’t think…” the doktor started.
“oh yeah, my man…Black Magic”
“be quiet…come here and watch this.”
“what’s up?”
as i’m sitting down next to him, i hear this cackling semi-scream emanate from the street.
“ST.CLAIR!”
“who the fuck is that? oh christ…” it was irene, the freak from shipping...four foot nothing and crazier than bat shit.
“ST. CLAIR!”
“What?”
“nothing…just checking assholes! ha ha HA!”
damm her! i had to look away. “what is she doing in the street?”
“i have no idea…i came out her to smoke and she told me to ‘watch this.’ i’m not leaving…this is gonna be good.”
“well, what is she gonna do?”
“i have no idea man.”
“HEY GUYS…keep an eye on me!”
the doktor waved a hand. “did you hear about that rabid hyena in Malawi?” he asked. “it killed five people and wounded like fifteen others before the police shot it.”
“no shit.”
“yeah man…that’s fuckin’ crazy.”
“those things are big…i bet they’re about half the size of a lion or better and they’re pretty tall.”
“really?”
“yeah…i saw it on jackass when pontius and steve-o were playing ham football with a pack of hyenas.”
“that wasn’t jackass, it was the wildboyz.”
“whatever.”
irene steps out from between two parked cars on the far side of the street. a black escalade motors past. “NOT THAT ONE!” she yells.
“yeah…this hyena was terrorizing the village,” the doktor continued, “apparently, a group of people wielding axes and knives cornered the beast, put a hurtin’ on it, yet it still managed to get away and kill again.”
“no shit.”
“no shit…they were convinced witchcraft was involved.”
“involved in what? the animal getting away?”
“or just the animal in general. the police or the army or someother such nonsense moved in and killed the animal. they are policing the area regularly to calm the people, but some are still afraid to go out of their houses.”
“i believe it.”
an engine hums from my right, and irene peers from between the cars again. something midsize, a maxima or toyota maybe, slides from right to left and out of sight. irene screams, “OOOOO…I SHOULDA TRIED THAT ONE…hey…WATCH! WATCH!”
“maybe they were right,” i said.
“who?”
“the villagers.”
“about what?”
“the witchcraft.”
“yeah.”
“i mean, how else do you explain the hyena taking that kind of beating yet continuing to go on a killing spree?”
“uh, how about the fact that it’s a WILD FUCKING ANIMAL with a BRAIN FEVER...use your head.”
“i don’t believe it, it just being a disease…i think it was witchcraft.”
“you’re a moron...”
“GUYS! GUYS! YOU WATCHING?”
“speaking of morons…” he said.
“some things you just can explain man.”
“alright…but that fuckin’ hyena was no product of witchcraft.”
“where is your evidence?”
“you’re head is in the sand.”
“i’m for real man…explain david blaine.”
“he’s a charlatan.”
“how does he do that stuff?”
“i don’t know…smoke and mirrors, trick photography, sleight of hand…”
“magic, motherfucker, magic.”
“GUYS…WATCH!”
a high-pitched sputter comes from around the bend and into my line of sight.
“what is she gonna do man?”
“who knows?”
“HEY! HEY!”
irene has been peering around the parked cars, and apparently this blue Geo metro is the kind of car she had been looking for. as the driver switches gears, irene runs from between the parked cars into the middle of the street. she faces the oncoming car and charges…when the two meet, she steps onto the front bumper with her right leg, leaps onto the roof with her left, and jumps, landing perfectly on the pavement.
“Holy Shit!”
“where the fuck do we work?”
“HA! DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT? HA! PRETTY TRICKY, AIN’T I?”
she stood in the middle of the street, her hair disheveled and her dress all jacked-up from the frenzy. a distant chemical smile spread across her face and she threw her hands on her hips. she called to mind something crude, and she seemed out of place in such a setting. dock work or butchering would suit her personality better...perhaps a professional carnie.
“LET’S SEE YOU TWO LAME-O’s PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT…HA!”
i heard an engine whine, this time from my left…the same high-pitched sputter as before. the blue Geo. it was racing down the street with no sign of slowing and irene was completely oblivious.
“IRENE,” i yelled.
“OH YEAH RIGHT, ST. CLAIR, LIKE I’M GONNA FALL FOR…”
BAM…the Geo hit her squarely from the side…blew her off her feet like shit through the screen door. the doktor and i watched her sail from the cement, but we had to stand to get a better look at where she landed.
she jumped to her feet, cackling, “ha ha HA!”
“you don’t think…” the doktor started.
“oh yeah, my man…Black Magic”
Johnny St. Clair wuz here at 11:58 PM
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