professionalism #6
“hey…i saw the new website…you changed the way it looks?”
“what are you talking about?”
“i figured you’d have rainbows and shit all over it, you fuckin’ fairy.”
“i don’t have a website.”
“you’re such a fairy, you’re about to sprout fuckin’ wings.”
[blank stare]
“are you ready?”
truth was i wasn’t. but if it had to be now, then so be it…let’s get it on, right? this had all the potential for real ugliness, and i could tell by the crusty brown bag the doktor was carrying that police involvement was almost guaranteed.
“listen asshole…i’ve been thinking about this…our whole approach…and i think we should be subtle,” i said. i wanted to be reasonable, but looking at that bag in his hands, i was certain that reason was an impossibility.
“nonsense…violence is the only was to deal with these pigfuckers. it’s what they understand. they breed in it, eat it, root around in it for christ sakes.”
“how about the Threat of violence? can we go that route? the implied…”
“you’re worthless and weak.”
“shut up…everything is d-day with you…”
“EVERYDAY IS D-DAY…”
“yeah…no timeouts, homeboy - just one time...”
“are you ready?”
“yeah…let me take a piss first.”
“save it…you can piss on her desk if she turns us down.”
“now…we are looking at a percentage increase, correct?”
“what?”
“for the raise…we want a 5% but we ask for 7.25%, correct?”
“we want Bills! Greens! Dividends! i don’t have time to split percentagical hairs with her!”
“DAMM! what’s in the bag by the way?”
“hey…that’s my business.”
“hey…fine by you.”
“you’re goddamm right it is. now…when we go in to talk to her, leave everything to me. you just stand back and nod your head…you know, keep your arms folded and say ‘yeah’ a lot. and don’t forget to block the door…she might make a move or try to call security, but don’t let anyone in or out until we have something in writing.”
“for fuck’s sake…we’re trying to get a raise, not shake her down for protection money or something.”
“protection money? what do you think this is, the Godfather or something? man, nobody gets the shake down for protection money…it’s all about drug money, baby!”
“what?”
“just shut the fuck up and leave everything to me.”
“that’s what i’m afraid of...the fact that you and that twisted fuck-up of a mind of yours is somehow equating a meeting in a professional setting with some kind of drug shakedown is troubling to say the least…i mean, have we regressed to the level of…”
“will you shut the fuck up…blah blah blah…jesus…get your game face on.”
“right…what’s in the bag again.”
“don't make a difference.”
“seriously…”
“don’t concern yourself with it.”
“why not?”
“you wouldn’t approve.”
“oh no shit…”
she was on the phone when we arrived…her red hair all frizzy locks, catching the early morning sunshine and twisting it into something vile, corrupt…she motioned for us to sit and grinned with yellow teeth…another day at the wax museum…clowns and carousels…sideshow freakshow freakout…admittance is cheap and always, always a ripoff…
“gentleman…good morning…oh i bet i know what this is about!” she seemed positively giddy, tidying up her desk and reshuffling papers. “now…what can i do for you?”
the doktor stood up from his chair, opened the brown bag, and produced a slightly smaller ziploc bag…all yellow fluid and leaking, sweating perhaps…something gray and bulbous, veiny…floating in the liquid…
he pounded a fist on the glass desktop. “you know what THESE are? do ya? huh? they’re the nuts we cut off the LAST manager…so…do we get what we want, or is my boy here gonna have to start cuttin’? tell her something, johnny…”
subtlety is truly a lost art.
“what are you talking about?”
“i figured you’d have rainbows and shit all over it, you fuckin’ fairy.”
“i don’t have a website.”
“you’re such a fairy, you’re about to sprout fuckin’ wings.”
[blank stare]
“are you ready?”
truth was i wasn’t. but if it had to be now, then so be it…let’s get it on, right? this had all the potential for real ugliness, and i could tell by the crusty brown bag the doktor was carrying that police involvement was almost guaranteed.
“listen asshole…i’ve been thinking about this…our whole approach…and i think we should be subtle,” i said. i wanted to be reasonable, but looking at that bag in his hands, i was certain that reason was an impossibility.
“nonsense…violence is the only was to deal with these pigfuckers. it’s what they understand. they breed in it, eat it, root around in it for christ sakes.”
“how about the Threat of violence? can we go that route? the implied…”
“you’re worthless and weak.”
“shut up…everything is d-day with you…”
“EVERYDAY IS D-DAY…”
“yeah…no timeouts, homeboy - just one time...”
“are you ready?”
“yeah…let me take a piss first.”
“save it…you can piss on her desk if she turns us down.”
“now…we are looking at a percentage increase, correct?”
“what?”
“for the raise…we want a 5% but we ask for 7.25%, correct?”
“we want Bills! Greens! Dividends! i don’t have time to split percentagical hairs with her!”
“DAMM! what’s in the bag by the way?”
“hey…that’s my business.”
“hey…fine by you.”
“you’re goddamm right it is. now…when we go in to talk to her, leave everything to me. you just stand back and nod your head…you know, keep your arms folded and say ‘yeah’ a lot. and don’t forget to block the door…she might make a move or try to call security, but don’t let anyone in or out until we have something in writing.”
“for fuck’s sake…we’re trying to get a raise, not shake her down for protection money or something.”
“protection money? what do you think this is, the Godfather or something? man, nobody gets the shake down for protection money…it’s all about drug money, baby!”
“what?”
“just shut the fuck up and leave everything to me.”
“that’s what i’m afraid of...the fact that you and that twisted fuck-up of a mind of yours is somehow equating a meeting in a professional setting with some kind of drug shakedown is troubling to say the least…i mean, have we regressed to the level of…”
“will you shut the fuck up…blah blah blah…jesus…get your game face on.”
“right…what’s in the bag again.”
“don't make a difference.”
“seriously…”
“don’t concern yourself with it.”
“why not?”
“you wouldn’t approve.”
“oh no shit…”
she was on the phone when we arrived…her red hair all frizzy locks, catching the early morning sunshine and twisting it into something vile, corrupt…she motioned for us to sit and grinned with yellow teeth…another day at the wax museum…clowns and carousels…sideshow freakshow freakout…admittance is cheap and always, always a ripoff…
“gentleman…good morning…oh i bet i know what this is about!” she seemed positively giddy, tidying up her desk and reshuffling papers. “now…what can i do for you?”
the doktor stood up from his chair, opened the brown bag, and produced a slightly smaller ziploc bag…all yellow fluid and leaking, sweating perhaps…something gray and bulbous, veiny…floating in the liquid…
he pounded a fist on the glass desktop. “you know what THESE are? do ya? huh? they’re the nuts we cut off the LAST manager…so…do we get what we want, or is my boy here gonna have to start cuttin’? tell her something, johnny…”
subtlety is truly a lost art.
Johnny St. Clair wuz here at 11:58 PM
3 Comments:
Don't use the PA Turnpike !
Ok so me and a friend go to PA Fri. We go close to Youngstown get on the Ohio Toll Road. Grab the ticket.Get off it cost 50 cents So then we hit PA. There's a woman in the booth who tells us in PA now you pay $2.00 to get on the toll road and then pay $2.00 again when you get off. They did away with the ticket system 8 months ago she claims. Well that sucks . No ticket and $4.00 total when last time I used this road we grabbed a ticket and got off at exit 57 Monroeville total of around $1.50. So anyway we drive all the way to Monroeville and the jerk ask where's your ticket. I'm like what ticket. He's like what ticket you can't get on the PA turnpike without a ticket ! . I'm like Bull the woman took our $2.00 and said you did away with tickets and when we get off here it's another $2.00 to exit. So we go back and forth on this for about 10 MIN'S while some ass behind me is blowing the horn.The woman ( HIS BOSS? ) That's in the booth gets in on it They claim without a ticket it's $21.95 to get off..I refuse to pay. They say ok give us your drivers licence and pull over to parking lot ( in it's self a dangerous thing to do. Like playing dodge-em cars.) and come into the office. So once in the office she gives me a paper to send the money in within 10 days. ( the paper say $20.75 plus $1.00 service charge total $21.75 )She also gives me a complaint form to send with it too. Maybe I'll get my money back. Doubtful. If I don't pay they'll contact Ohio. Highway Robbery. I'll NEVER use the PA turnpike again. If all of you are smart you won't either !
yeah man...fuck the PA Turnpike!
and fuck Ohio too!
~ johnny fever
he caught the vapors!
~ jiz markie
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