all the way live #7

at the dmb show...the crowd in the parking lot enjoys an impromptu musical exhibition from the doktor

we loaded the vehicle with two cases of beer, two gallons of water, a bottle of vodka, eight cans of Red Balls, two choice steaks cooked medium rare, a bag of grass, three melons, an electric guitar, a can of mace, a bull horn, two dozen M-80's, a pack of fresh grapes, a bottle of Tang, a film canister full of pills, 22lbs. of ice, two limes, two lemons, a Marshall amplifier, an array of cords and wires, a machete, two baseball bats, a 25-foot telescoping metal pole, dry matches, an inflatable raft, a pint of raw ether, and a folded flag which the doktor would not let me "defile."

"dammit...i forgot the taser."

"don't worry about it...we won't need it."

"LIKE HELL WE WON'T! i've got a bad feeling about this..."

the revelers were indeed strange on this night...caught in the mess on the way in, some dude with a rag on his head and no shirt yells over...

"dudes...say 'hi' honey," he nudges the girl in the passenger seat, "dudes, you got any acid. me and my girl just got married, didn't we honey," she looks at us and shakes her head, apologizes.

"no Dude...no acid. here take one of these," i hand him one of my books.

"what the fuck is this?" he says.

"hey...look for the flag flying tonight after the show. come on over...we'll party on down," i say.

"what?"

"later on brother."

"what did you give him?" the doktor asks.

"one of the books."

"one of what?"

"the books."

"am i in it?"

"well...it's not really you..."

"I'VE GOT NO TIME TO SPLIT SEMANTICAL HAIRS!" he screams and takes the bullhorn from the back seat, leans out the window and announces, "THAT'S NOT ME IN THAT BOOK YOU FILTHY SCUMFUCKER...THIS MAN IS A LIAR AND YOU WOULD ALL DO WELL TO PULL HIM FROM THE CAR AND REGINALD-DENNY HIS ASS!"

"was that necessary?"

"that shit is in the public domain now, you pigfucker...what that necessary? and where the fuck did you get those from anyway?"

"fuck off."

i mean, i only brought like five of the books with me and i figured the exposure would do wonders for the tri-state area. property rates are gonna soar because of it, no shit.

anyway, as soon as we parked, i ran into the woods to take a piss, but fell over the hill and rolled all the way down to where the tour buses park by the back of the amphitheater. there were some really nice looking Porta-Johns back there, so i figured i would use one. the dude in the toilet next to me was talking really crazy, something like i was walkin' all alone on the water and a bridge and i walk over a birdge and i walk over another bridge and i walk over another bridge and i walk along the water and a bridge and i walk and oh hello pretty people i walk over another bridge look at the pretty city i love it here...

so there's no way i'm leaving before this cat comes out of the Porta-John, right?

and it's dave matthews and he comes off as a really cool dude and wasted to boot. i give him one of the books and tell him good luck...cuz the crowd looks like a rabid pack of warmongers.

"yo dave."

"uhhhhhh...you muthafucka...come on and let's get drunk dis evenin'"

"dave...look for the flag flying in the parking lot tonight."

"uhhhhhh...huahhh"

i tried telling the doktor about my encounter, but he was busy hoisting the flag...a white rectangle with a snake coiled above the phrase don't tread on me. i asked him if he brought the tickets.

"what?"

"the tickets, motherfucker, did you bring them?"

"we don't need no stinking tickets."

indeed...we had parked in front of a bucket full of girls, and of course the doktor was willing to distribute the book under those conditions. i spent what seemed like an eternity or fifteen minutes with the bottle of ether. he had walked away with another copy and returned with two servings of chicken-on-a-stick. he claimed to have traded a book for the food.

"where did you get this?"

"some guy was selling it out of a van."

"nice."

"there weren't any cats around."

"even better."

"excuse me, officer," the doktor hails a police cruiser, "officer...my friend and i found this rubbish on the fairgrounds here," he hands the officer a book, "i think you should be wary of what you're dealing with here tonight."

the officer takes the book and says, "let's get that beer in a plastic cup gentlemen...there's a $800 fine for harboring glass containers in the Township."

"righty-o, sir, righty-o."

"well...our work is done now. we need only wait until the sun goes down."

and it did. from our perch, we could see fires starting on the lawn before dave matthews even took the stage. cops were arriving en masse at the amphitheater and helicopters were doing fly-overs with their search lights ablaze. fights were sprouting throughout the parking lot. glass could be heard shattering. shotguns. dogs barking.

"can you hear the band?"

"yeah."

"are they playin' 'Paranoid?'"

"yup."

the show lasted all of ten minutes before the place had to be evacuated. the doktor and i enjoyed the scene playing out before us as we sat on the roof of the ride. i saw the acid dude and his new wife approach. they stopped about ten feet from the front of the car.

"hey man...the dude from the van, the one i got the chicken from...he's behind me and he's staring at us."

"he's not staring at me...he's your boy."

slowly, more people arrived. singles at first, then two's and three's, small groups. horns blared. small explosions and screams. more glass.

"anything seem weird to you?"

"what?"

the ring was nearly complete around the car...in some spots it was stretching six deep, maybe more.

"st clair. look. there's dave matthews."

"dok...it's time."

the cops pulled up with their lights flashing and sirens blaring. i saw the cop from before get out...the one the doktor gave the book to...but he just looked like he was coming to get fucked up.

the doktor grabbed the guitar and amp from the trunk and plugged in to the car battery. he got about 10 seconds into "Ace of Spades" when the throng went completely apeshit. i managed to snap the above picture with his camera phone before things got really out of hand.