quoth the doktor...

the following conversation was recorded all the way live on my answering machine…sunday, pre-dawn, november 21, in this foul year of our lord, 2004.

st. clair: [inaudible]
johnson: i’m here.
st. clair: what?
johnson: i made it. if anyone asks for me, tell them i’ll be here a while.
st. clair: where are you? you better not be here! [at this point, i check my
window for strange happenings outside. plenty.]
johnson: i’m not there…what the fuck would i be there for. your place is
dead anyway. i’m at the porno store.
st. clair: it’s late…call me when you’re sober or out of jail.
johnson: listen man, i’m serious. i’m on the roof of the porno store. i’ve got a tent and blankets and a kitbag of supplies. i’ll be here as long as
it takes.
st. clair: what the fuck…
johnson: oh yeah
st. clair: you’re lying
johnson: i’m here johnny st. bizzle or whatever the fuck you’re calling
yourself nowadays. i’m not leaving until porn is legal again in grosseville.
st. clair: porn is legal…aw, what the fuck, i’m not getting into this with you. you’re a sick and twisted degenerate. who is this anyway? prank call! prank call!
johnson: stop stealing other people’s shit and do something of your own. was that all bullshit about defending the american way? huh? do you hear me? intellectual terrorism? hello? i’m livin’ some anarchy…
st. clair: what the fuck does that mean?
johnson: consider this right up there with rosa parks…this is my action, my plot, my fuck-you to the moral majority. city council is trying to ban the porno yo…that’s wack.
st. clair: oh yeah, great cause you picked there…so what's the plan, garbagecan?
johnson: i’m not moving…soon, the cameras will arrive. i’ve prepared a lengthy statement on the state of the union and the acts of unfaithfulness to our constitution perpetrated by the powers that be. sticky is totally behind me on this…
st. clair: who’s sticky?
johnson: the owner
st. clair: right…
johnson: listen man, this is about freedom, about choice, about the american way…i’ll be dammed if i’m gonna sit here and listen to whatever shit their sellin’ about MY best interest.
st. clair: and this has absolutely nothing to do with your love of porn
johnson: that’s beside the point
st. clair: i disagree
johnson: LISTEN YOU SOULLESS HUMP…i’ve no time to split semantical hairs with you…YOU were the one who said all that about the spark and building steam and new waves. GET ON THE BUS, you son-of-a-bitch!
st. clair: oh man, it’s not even light outside…
johnson: and it’s going to get a whole lot darker…are you with me?
st. clair: no
johnson: no?
st. clair: no…i’m not hanging out on a porno store roof with you for fuck’s sake.
johnson: little bitch…alright then. i'll be calling you soon. there is something i may need for you to do.
st. clair: what?
johnson: i’ve got a huge tarp with a doctored image of the mayor and george bush in a compromising position.
st. clair: really…was that a good time?
johnson: yeah…listen…if the shit goes down, i’m going to need you to drape that fucker across the city courthouse...maybe a church. i haven’t decided for sure.
st. clair: i…i…i’m proud of you doktor.
johnson: let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet…there is much work to be done. are you with me?
st. clair: in my mind brother, i’m already there.