professionalism #15: adding insult to injury
[Editor's Note: Due to an ongoing and vicious court battle...ah, fuck it. You know the rest. From the Mojo wire.]
Civilization's Dying; St. Clair Suspected
By MANMOUNTAIN DENSE, Associated Press Writer
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - [deleted], a security guard at [deleted] was severely injured here today when a wine bottle exploded inside the security booth at the western entrance of the parking lot. [deleted] was incoherent for several hours after the disaster, but managed to make a statement which led investigators to believe the bottle was hurled from a speeding car which approached the booth on the wrong side of the road, coming from inside the lot.
Further investigation revealed that only minutes before the incident in the parking lot, a reportedly “fanatical” employee of [deleted] had cleaned out his office and was rumored to have set out for Mexico at a high speed in a muffler-less car with no brakes. An immediate search was begun for Johnny St. Clair, a one-time employee of [deleted] and well-known “morale problem.” St. Clair was known to have a sometimes over-powering affinity for wine and was described by an employee who wishes to remain anonymous as “just the type of bastard who would do a thing like that.”
An apparently uncontrollable iconoclast, St. Clair quit today after one of the most hectic and unusual careers in [deleted] history. According to [deleted], who was relieved of his duties yesterday as [deleted] and admitted to the neuropsychological unit of a local hospital, St. Clair was “totally unclassifiable” and “one of the most savage and unnatural punks I’ve ever gone up against.”
“I’ll never understand how he didn’t get arrested,” [deleted] went on to say. “I almost had a stroke yesterday when I heard he was being offered a severance package. It’s terrifying…simply terrifying.”
Further investigation revealed that only minutes before the incident in the parking lot, a reportedly “fanatical” employee of [deleted] had cleaned out his office and was rumored to have set out for Mexico at a high speed in a muffler-less car with no brakes. An immediate search was begun for Johnny St. Clair, a one-time employee of [deleted] and well-known “morale problem.” St. Clair was known to have a sometimes over-powering affinity for wine and was described by an employee who wishes to remain anonymous as “just the type of bastard who would do a thing like that.”
An apparently uncontrollable iconoclast, St. Clair quit today after one of the most hectic and unusual careers in [deleted] history. According to [deleted], who was relieved of his duties yesterday as [deleted] and admitted to the neuropsychological unit of a local hospital, St. Clair was “totally unclassifiable” and “one of the most savage and unnatural punks I’ve ever gone up against.”
“I’ll never understand how he didn’t get arrested,” [deleted] went on to say. “I almost had a stroke yesterday when I heard he was being offered a severance package. It’s terrifying…simply terrifying.”
Johnny St. Clair wuz here at 11:58 PM
3 Comments:
What you've done to the legacy of Hunter Thompson is reprehensible. Simply reprehensible.
awwww come on...say it like you mean it, man!!!
"you're skull-fucking the corpse of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson."
...Jesus...
did i say that?
or just think it?
was i talking?
did they hear me?
~ johnny duke
p.s. i hate your guts.
Post a Comment
<< Home