professionalism #13: professionalism is dead! long live professionalism!
[Editor's Note: The highly anticipated and widely rumored final episode of Professionalism is currently unavailable due to an ongoing and vicious court battle. The gag-order prevents us from providing any additional information about the missing episode. Additionally, Fat City Productions does not endorse the multiple bootleg copies of the story currently making the rounds on the usual file-sharing services, nor does Fat City endorse the "authentic" bootleg being sold on eBay for $300 - though that seems like a steal. In place of the episode, we are including the following for your perusal, direct from the Mojo wire.]
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - Pencil Johnny St. Clair in with JT Leroy and James Frey as the most recent author called on the carpet for his "writings."
Exposed at work last week as author of the sub-literate weblog "We're Gonna Be Using Aliases On This One," St. Clair defied company orders to "cease and desist" publication of the blog. A regular dumping ground for the author's delusional ramblings and homoerotic "penis jokes," the site allegedly drew the ire of his employers and was ordered shut down.
St. Clair refused.
Few details have emerged concerning the meeting with company officials and St. Clair has refused to comment through traditional routes. Phone calls to his residence reveal a recorded message featuring a slurring voice daring the caller to leave a message. Sometime early this morning, a brick was thrown through the AP office in Pittsburgh - purportedly from St. Clair - promising to continue with the website. His next post? According to the brick, he plans to publish photos of AP staff writers engaging in "lewd and lascivious acts" with a variety of barnyard animals.
Wayward Johnson, a co-worker of St. Clair's, denies any specific knowledge of St. Clair as well as any potential connection with the blog. He did provide the AP with a security tape of a recent meeting between St. Clair and a company official. On it, an extremely handsome St. Clair can be seen walking in to the office of a Sgt. Kickass.
St. Clair: say man, i quit.
Kickass: WHAT?!?
St. Clair: that's it. man, i'm tired of gettin' up early and everything, baby. that's it. i'm through. ya dig it?
Kickass: I CAN'T TALK TO YOU NOW! THE WAREHOUSE IS ON FIRE! NOW GET BACK OUT THERE AND...
St. Clair: what warehouse?
Kickass: WAREHOUSE 86!
St. Clair: damm...that's where i got my stash.
Dr. Johnson claims to have heard St. Clair plans to "walk the Earth." When asked to clarify, Johnson replied, "[expletive deleted], walk the Earth. You know, like Caine in "Kung-Fu." Just walk from town to town, meet people, get in adventures."
Johnson, who insisted we refer to him as "the Doktor," refused further comment on the situation, only to add that St. Clair was a dope fiend and most likely responsible for the warehouse fire. "You're not pinning that one on me," he yelled before disappearing out of a side door.
St. Clair Rejects Plea Bargain; Takes Delivery of Convertible
By STAGGER LEE, Associated Press Writer
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - Pencil Johnny St. Clair in with JT Leroy and James Frey as the most recent author called on the carpet for his "writings."
Exposed at work last week as author of the sub-literate weblog "We're Gonna Be Using Aliases On This One," St. Clair defied company orders to "cease and desist" publication of the blog. A regular dumping ground for the author's delusional ramblings and homoerotic "penis jokes," the site allegedly drew the ire of his employers and was ordered shut down.
St. Clair refused.
Few details have emerged concerning the meeting with company officials and St. Clair has refused to comment through traditional routes. Phone calls to his residence reveal a recorded message featuring a slurring voice daring the caller to leave a message. Sometime early this morning, a brick was thrown through the AP office in Pittsburgh - purportedly from St. Clair - promising to continue with the website. His next post? According to the brick, he plans to publish photos of AP staff writers engaging in "lewd and lascivious acts" with a variety of barnyard animals.
Wayward Johnson, a co-worker of St. Clair's, denies any specific knowledge of St. Clair as well as any potential connection with the blog. He did provide the AP with a security tape of a recent meeting between St. Clair and a company official. On it, an extremely handsome St. Clair can be seen walking in to the office of a Sgt. Kickass.
St. Clair: say man, i quit.
Kickass: WHAT?!?
St. Clair: that's it. man, i'm tired of gettin' up early and everything, baby. that's it. i'm through. ya dig it?
Kickass: I CAN'T TALK TO YOU NOW! THE WAREHOUSE IS ON FIRE! NOW GET BACK OUT THERE AND...
St. Clair: what warehouse?
Kickass: WAREHOUSE 86!
St. Clair: damm...that's where i got my stash.
Dr. Johnson claims to have heard St. Clair plans to "walk the Earth." When asked to clarify, Johnson replied, "[expletive deleted], walk the Earth. You know, like Caine in "Kung-Fu." Just walk from town to town, meet people, get in adventures."
Johnson, who insisted we refer to him as "the Doktor," refused further comment on the situation, only to add that St. Clair was a dope fiend and most likely responsible for the warehouse fire. "You're not pinning that one on me," he yelled before disappearing out of a side door.
Johnny St. Clair wuz here at 11:58 PM
3 Comments:
I deny even knowing about this or related sites.
I have never been to "we're gonna be..." have never contributed to it, or even heard of the filthy mother fucker.
On the other hand, Johnny is a vile beast of biblical proportions and wears small farm animals within his rectum... RECTUM?!!!!? Damn near killed 'em!
Never get tired of that one.
"use PENIS in a sentence."
"my probabtion officer told me to PENIS cup."
if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that the Doktor never - NEVER - gets tired of rectum.
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