all the way live #10
Dinosaur Jr.: a watershed moment in our musical youth.
i came to them by way of SST, home of the Minutemen and Black Flag. figuring they must be in that legendary vein, i copped the record and soon traded in my boots and braces for flannel, started growing my hair, smoking weed, and seeking out Zeppelin albums.
the Doktor surmised that Dinosaur Jr. must be some kind of arcane reference to Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies. hoping to advance his stature in the church of Satan, he grabbed the Dinosaur record instead of the new Man-o-War, and hastened his descent into a world of violence, drugs, depravity, mayhem, sloth, and unholiness. all of that had very little to due with the Dinosaur record, you understand, but now we’re getting into semantical hairs…and if it’s one thing i hate more than pubic hair, it’s semantical hair…come to think of it, that’s not entirely true. i really don’t mind pubic hair. on females. i’ve been known to dig a big, full bush…70’s style…one that looks like she got buckwheat in a leglock. i like to floss with them…no, not females’ - my own, i mean. other people’s would be kinda gross. just kinda.
who am i? oh yeah, Dinosaur…they pulled into town for a date in pittsburgh on the second leg of a tour where they seemed to be playing only a few, very select dates. i know man…how the fuck they ended up here is beyond me. but whatever. and after all, who needs an excuse to eat acid on a thursday night? not fuckin’ me!
scene i
“lift your jacket to the waist and spin around.”
“but i hardly know you.”
“do you have anything in your pockets?”
“uh…my keys, some dope, a knife…uh…there’s a frog,”
“we can’t allow any live animals in there, sir.”
“ok,” i eat the frog.
“have either of you been drinking?”
“well, not really drinking...” i suddenly gasp in revelation, “Why? Don’t you have any alcohol left in there?”
at this point, the Doktor slaps a sheet of tin foil on Security’s head and molds it to the shape of his skull. “be careful,” he intones, “they’re listening.” we are promptly ‘escorted’ out of line and down the steps, and subsequently have to sneak in through an open window.
scene ii
soon after mascis and company take the stage, the Doktor and i separate. unfortunately, i see him again a short while later. he is wearing shorts, boots, and state police glasses.
i remember saying something like, “man…i fuckin’ love Dinosaur…sometimes man, those notes cut through all that white lightning sludge and…wow…i think my face is melting.”
“dude, i went to take a piss, and the speakers were so loud, that all my shit was vibrating man…like all my clothes and shit, my fuckin’ hair…it was crazy.”
“your hair…where is it?”
“i fuckin’ cut it off man…it feels so much better this way. but don’t worry…i stuffed most of it in my pants’ pockets.”
“where are your pants?”
“huh? what? i don’t know…out by the dumpster. let’s take the rest of that acid.”
“word.”
scene iii
“you look like the police with those glasses man.”
“the cops? where? ok…just be cool.”
“take off those fuckin’ glasses, alright…i don’t wanna see my face.”
“man, neil young really let his hair grow.”
“hmmm? neil young?”
“on stage…”
“oh fuck man, take those glasses off!”
“i can’t…they’ll recognize me!”
“who?”
“oh fuck man…”
scene iv
in unison, “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!”
scene v
“hey, did you hear the news?”
“no.”
“all the chicks in here…they’re fat.”
“where?”
“i think one may have molested me in the bathroom.”
“when you were cuttin’ your hair off?”
“yeah…she was lickin’ my bald head.”
“yeah man.”
scene vi
“hey thanks…after talking to you, i’ve decided to pursue my dream.”
“hey, don’t take my word for it…it’s all shit anyway.”
“awww…don’t say that…what do you mean? i thought you said…”
“BLAAAAH!!! who said shit about fuck? YOU’RE NOT GONNA PUT THAT ONE ON ME!!!”
“uh…ummm…oh wow, look, that bald guy’s trying to get on the speakers again…oh my…is he trying to hump…”
“QUICK! CALL THE POLICE! IT’S RAINING IN HERE!!! MICE ARE LIVING IN MY EYEBROWS!!!”
scene vii
in unison, “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!”
scene viii
“man, it’s fuckin’ cold out here.”
“where?”
“i wish i had some pants on…it’s really cold.”
“is your girlfriend picking us up?”
“she’s not my girlfriend.”
“whatever. cuz i don’t wanna drive now. or deal with the police. yeah. definitely not the police.”
“where?”
“i wished mascis played more of the other shit. who gives a fuck about being fair and all to the rest of the band…he’s a certified genius…he should’ve brought watt out on tour again instead…i demanded a Dinosaur record be present for my first acid trip, you know…yeah man, i mean, mascis might look like he spends plenty of nights browsing the comic book racks, but that barlow…what a miserable fuck…he looks like one of those nerdy kids from high school who were all mad and smart and shit, but would cry like a pussy when you stole their dungeons and dragons notebook and say ‘Please, God, kill him.’”
“dragons man? fuck that…i ain’t goin’ NEAR a dragon.”
“WOOOOO!!! DINOSAUR JR. WOOOOO!!!”
“dinosaurs? where?”
“man…you ever see their fuckin’ teeth?!? shit man…like daggers and shit.”
in unison, “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!
i came to them by way of SST, home of the Minutemen and Black Flag. figuring they must be in that legendary vein, i copped the record and soon traded in my boots and braces for flannel, started growing my hair, smoking weed, and seeking out Zeppelin albums.
the Doktor surmised that Dinosaur Jr. must be some kind of arcane reference to Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies. hoping to advance his stature in the church of Satan, he grabbed the Dinosaur record instead of the new Man-o-War, and hastened his descent into a world of violence, drugs, depravity, mayhem, sloth, and unholiness. all of that had very little to due with the Dinosaur record, you understand, but now we’re getting into semantical hairs…and if it’s one thing i hate more than pubic hair, it’s semantical hair…come to think of it, that’s not entirely true. i really don’t mind pubic hair. on females. i’ve been known to dig a big, full bush…70’s style…one that looks like she got buckwheat in a leglock. i like to floss with them…no, not females’ - my own, i mean. other people’s would be kinda gross. just kinda.
who am i? oh yeah, Dinosaur…they pulled into town for a date in pittsburgh on the second leg of a tour where they seemed to be playing only a few, very select dates. i know man…how the fuck they ended up here is beyond me. but whatever. and after all, who needs an excuse to eat acid on a thursday night? not fuckin’ me!
scene i
“lift your jacket to the waist and spin around.”
“but i hardly know you.”
“do you have anything in your pockets?”
“uh…my keys, some dope, a knife…uh…there’s a frog,”
“we can’t allow any live animals in there, sir.”
“ok,” i eat the frog.
“have either of you been drinking?”
“well, not really drinking...” i suddenly gasp in revelation, “Why? Don’t you have any alcohol left in there?”
at this point, the Doktor slaps a sheet of tin foil on Security’s head and molds it to the shape of his skull. “be careful,” he intones, “they’re listening.” we are promptly ‘escorted’ out of line and down the steps, and subsequently have to sneak in through an open window.
scene ii
soon after mascis and company take the stage, the Doktor and i separate. unfortunately, i see him again a short while later. he is wearing shorts, boots, and state police glasses.
i remember saying something like, “man…i fuckin’ love Dinosaur…sometimes man, those notes cut through all that white lightning sludge and…wow…i think my face is melting.”
“dude, i went to take a piss, and the speakers were so loud, that all my shit was vibrating man…like all my clothes and shit, my fuckin’ hair…it was crazy.”
“your hair…where is it?”
“i fuckin’ cut it off man…it feels so much better this way. but don’t worry…i stuffed most of it in my pants’ pockets.”
“where are your pants?”
“huh? what? i don’t know…out by the dumpster. let’s take the rest of that acid.”
“word.”
scene iii
“you look like the police with those glasses man.”
“the cops? where? ok…just be cool.”
“take off those fuckin’ glasses, alright…i don’t wanna see my face.”
“man, neil young really let his hair grow.”
“hmmm? neil young?”
“on stage…”
“oh fuck man, take those glasses off!”
“i can’t…they’ll recognize me!”
“who?”
“oh fuck man…”
scene iv
in unison, “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!”
scene v
“hey, did you hear the news?”
“no.”
“all the chicks in here…they’re fat.”
“where?”
“i think one may have molested me in the bathroom.”
“when you were cuttin’ your hair off?”
“yeah…she was lickin’ my bald head.”
“yeah man.”
scene vi
“hey thanks…after talking to you, i’ve decided to pursue my dream.”
“hey, don’t take my word for it…it’s all shit anyway.”
“awww…don’t say that…what do you mean? i thought you said…”
“BLAAAAH!!! who said shit about fuck? YOU’RE NOT GONNA PUT THAT ONE ON ME!!!”
“uh…ummm…oh wow, look, that bald guy’s trying to get on the speakers again…oh my…is he trying to hump…”
“QUICK! CALL THE POLICE! IT’S RAINING IN HERE!!! MICE ARE LIVING IN MY EYEBROWS!!!”
scene vii
in unison, “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!”
scene viii
“man, it’s fuckin’ cold out here.”
“where?”
“i wish i had some pants on…it’s really cold.”
“is your girlfriend picking us up?”
“she’s not my girlfriend.”
“whatever. cuz i don’t wanna drive now. or deal with the police. yeah. definitely not the police.”
“where?”
“i wished mascis played more of the other shit. who gives a fuck about being fair and all to the rest of the band…he’s a certified genius…he should’ve brought watt out on tour again instead…i demanded a Dinosaur record be present for my first acid trip, you know…yeah man, i mean, mascis might look like he spends plenty of nights browsing the comic book racks, but that barlow…what a miserable fuck…he looks like one of those nerdy kids from high school who were all mad and smart and shit, but would cry like a pussy when you stole their dungeons and dragons notebook and say ‘Please, God, kill him.’”
“dragons man? fuck that…i ain’t goin’ NEAR a dragon.”
“WOOOOO!!! DINOSAUR JR. WOOOOO!!!”
“dinosaurs? where?”
“man…you ever see their fuckin’ teeth?!? shit man…like daggers and shit.”
in unison, “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!
Johnny St. Clair wuz here at 11:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home