the top ten record that didn't suck in the 0-5
what no one has been waiting for…the much-maligned, totally trivial, and completely inconsequential year-end / rear-end top-of-the-pops list from pittsburgh’s most well-unknown, semi-literate moron. motherfucker, i paid for almost all of these. let the hate-mail follow!!!
10. the mars volta – frances the mute
look, i’m a big fan of the three, maybe four-chord pop song. but that’s not these guys’ bag. a seventy-plus minute slab of sound. dense, nearly impenetrable bilingual lyrics. enigmatic artwork. impressionistic. when i listen, it seems like i’m always searching for something. there is no rest here, because this isn’t that background music you put on for your friends, even though “the widow” is catchy enough to be labeled a single. try playing “l’ via l ’viaquez” and see if you can suppress the urge to kick down walls or lambada like a greasy latin lover when the guitars and drums catch that groove.
9. wilco – kicking television
oooooooo…another double-live record!!! wilco plays it heavy on the later releases with this one, but they do manage to open up with “misunderstood.” a perfect song…seems like it has little pieces of everything they are…the quiet vocals, the noise freakouts, American, power chords, americana, clever wordplay, broken-hearted lyrics, the subdued strumming. tweedy’s “nothing” near the song’s end is as punk rock as anything released this year. tons of great songs on this one: “jesus, etc.,” “hummingbird,” “handshake drugs,” “shot in the arm,” “ashes of american flags,” “at least…” fuck it man, you get the point. some of them really open up and get live when they’re played live. come on, you know you love rock and roll, too.
8. brad –vs.– satchel
brad’s last two records were weak…but the bar was pretty fuckin’ high after the first one. damm…i know i am high as Fuck. anyway, “peace and quiet” gets me thinking about that first brad record, and even a little “trouble comes down” from satchel's EDC. yeah man. essentially demos from unfinished satchel sessions and demos from brad’s last record, these work as well as a legitimate record. why some of these didn’t make the cut for the last brad record is mad stupid, yo. seems like regan hagar, the drummer in both bands, was insistent upon getting these out. so i’d like to thank him for that. i miss satchel, and i miss what brad was on that first record. hagar and smith always seem to do good things together. proof positive here, suckers.
7. the drive-by truckers – pizza deliverance
yeah, so? it’s a reissue. what? you wanna fight me about it? HUH? didn’t thinks so. little bitch. yeah, i know, the title is dumb. even the band’s name is a little hokey, but…look…i’m tired of telling you motherfuckers about DBT. this is our generation’s lynyrd skynyrd. don't lie. you know how cool you thought those skynyrd dudes were when you were little. i don’t mean the band, i mean the guys who listened to skynyrd. you know…drivin’ a camaro, long hair, stealin’ all the younger girls, drinkin’ and shit, cigarettes, wild parties, more chicks. damm. and anyway...we all know that you yell “freebird” at concerts because it’s your ironic way of making fun of those dudes you were so in awe of when you were little. jealous. so be cool like those dudes, and listen to the Truckers TODAY!!! plus it’s got a song about a small town elderly couple’s reaction to a story in the morning paper about GG Allin’s gig in town the night before: “it says he took the microphone and shoved it up his ass!” imagine that reaction. cop this, and if you don’t like it, merle allin said he’d dig up GG and bring him to your house to stick a mic up YOUR ass. which is impossible. for you not to like this, i mean.
6. marah – if you didn’t laugh you’d cry
i wonder what i’d think of bruce springsteen if i’d heard him before “born in the USA.” or if he didn’t have that retarded sax player. or that guy who dresses like a gay pirate, with some pink scarf on his head, who actually turns out to be Silvio on the Sopranos, who is pretty fuckin’ cool, and believe it or not, IS that same dude in the springsteen band who wears the fuckin’ scarf on his head. marah is rock and roll in America on this record...think back alley drinkin’, the replacements, love, dylan, the city, cold sunsets, early wilco, regrets, hope, even the stones. hard not to love a record that opens with the lyrics “beer can stumblin’.” in fact, that’s gotta be right up there for best.opening.ever. the booklet is cool…reads and looks like an open notebook. and the “walt whitman bridge?” man, even though i've never been there, i've been there.
5. mike doughty – haughty melodic
still rhythmic and a little left-of-center like soul coughing, but those unlistenable, weird-for-the-sake-of-weird moments are gone. i gushed about “unsingable name” and now i can’t even get the case open, cuz once gush dries, it gets like cement. i’ve been scratching at it with my fingernails, but i’ve barely scratched the surface. at times this record feels like a reawakening, and other times it feels like the monster is still around. catchy, thoughtful, and groove-y, even in the almost all-acoustic “white lexus,” or the bluegrass-y “grey ghost.” dave matthews even drops by for a verse or two. plus, when you’re on trial for malicious mayhem, just play the judge “bustin’ up a starbucks.” you’ll be free and easy in a minute, and have a lifelong friend in the judge. and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
4. jack johnson – in between dreams
remember when i was talking about three-chord pop songs? yeah man. this is so, so sweet. laid-back and breezy, like a big old yellow summer sun in late afternoon shining and lemonade and kids playing and dogs barking and smiling…you might be crazy, and i might be high, but i swear i hear the beatles and reggae, ocean waves and hip hop in his music…or maybe i don’t so much hear it as feel it. he still can ride the rhythm like a lizard on a limb, or maybe like a stoner in hammock…i don’t know…but when it works, like on “no other way,” or “breakdown,” there is no one better. honestly, i don’t really get all that teary-eyed when he breaks into that bit about the photograph of the burning tree on “do you remember.” i swear i don't. hardly at all. i’ll be the first to admit that he shit the bed on “belle,” and his work on the current Curious George soundtrack doesn’t bode well, unless you wanna rush him into phill collins territory. but while it’s here, enjoy the ride. it’s so nice.
3. the roots – home grown volumes 1 and 2
can’t split these, silly rabbit. if you wanna dig on the roots, volume 1 is the sampler i would burn for you. for the hedz, volume 2 has more of the gems, live freakouts, and interpolations that you know you been jonesin’ for. not chronological, but you still get to hear how the band’s changed since it’s early days. what’s more, the way the songs flow [generally…there are some exceptions] is a testament to the quality of the music…rare is the rap song whose shelf-life exceeds it’s date of publication. this shit is not disposable. tons of collabos…you get d’angelo, common, mos def, martin luther, jill scott, beanie sigel’s “an ‘em” rap…and killer liner notes by ?uestlove. plus that nigga can drum…show me a better drummer and the corpse of GG Allin will stick a mic up your ass. but don’t worry, cuz there ain’t no better. drummer, i mean.
2. cody chesnuTT – live 4-16-2004
wooooooooooooo!!! got it off the DIME in May…this is the only record on the list i didn’t pay for. because you CAN’T buy it, sucka. never have i heard a man hold sway over a group of party people in the place to be like cody holds it down. motherfuckers are lucky this is so short, cuz it would be number one all over, not just here but in the polls as well. cody for president. that’s right, i said it…cody, c-o-d-y bitches, for president. we need to take it back to the foundation. support a movement, dammit!!! a ten minute version of “eric burdon?” i’m sold. he lets you see where he can take the skeleton, from a quiet a capella, to a full-blown rocker, to a slowed-down stone cold groove. not bad considering the original was an acoustic. and when it’s time to wrap it up, cody tells the band to “stick it.” mother fucker…IT’S STUCK!!! heard he is filming a documentary entitled “breaking the masterpiece,” about his current struggles with record labels. he has turned down million dollar recording contracts because they won’t re-release The Headphone Masterpiece as it is. they want him to re-record it, but that would take the living, breathing being out of it all. hope it works out for him, cuz this show shines.
1. common - be
at first, when i was thinking about this list, i was gonna base it on sheer number of plays. and so i was like, it’s gotta be common, shit got played virtually non-stop all summer. but that can’t be the only criteria, right? listen, even the intro on this record – a two-minute breeze of 70’s soul like marvin, held down with an upright bass line – is vital. after he dropped the electric circus freakout record a few years ago, he probably lost ¾ of his fan base. then this comes out and not only brings back the herd, but galvanizes the core, and brings even more into the fold. heard the advance of this and heard instant classic. then the official record comes out, and “the food” is replaced with a live version that shits all over the original. rap is not supposed to do that, right? kanye west produced and helped write all of these except one, and it seems like he pulled no punches even though he knew he had an album in the works as well. seems kinda selfless and speaks to the spark that must have been in the air when this was going down. if common is gonna save and change the face of rap, then he’s doin’ it with one foot in the system and one foot out of the system. and that’s perfect. feels timely and timeless.
that’s it. stay tuned folks, and for fuck’s sake tip your waitress.
10. the mars volta – frances the mute
look, i’m a big fan of the three, maybe four-chord pop song. but that’s not these guys’ bag. a seventy-plus minute slab of sound. dense, nearly impenetrable bilingual lyrics. enigmatic artwork. impressionistic. when i listen, it seems like i’m always searching for something. there is no rest here, because this isn’t that background music you put on for your friends, even though “the widow” is catchy enough to be labeled a single. try playing “l’ via l ’viaquez” and see if you can suppress the urge to kick down walls or lambada like a greasy latin lover when the guitars and drums catch that groove.
9. wilco – kicking television
oooooooo…another double-live record!!! wilco plays it heavy on the later releases with this one, but they do manage to open up with “misunderstood.” a perfect song…seems like it has little pieces of everything they are…the quiet vocals, the noise freakouts, American, power chords, americana, clever wordplay, broken-hearted lyrics, the subdued strumming. tweedy’s “nothing” near the song’s end is as punk rock as anything released this year. tons of great songs on this one: “jesus, etc.,” “hummingbird,” “handshake drugs,” “shot in the arm,” “ashes of american flags,” “at least…” fuck it man, you get the point. some of them really open up and get live when they’re played live. come on, you know you love rock and roll, too.
8. brad –vs.– satchel
brad’s last two records were weak…but the bar was pretty fuckin’ high after the first one. damm…i know i am high as Fuck. anyway, “peace and quiet” gets me thinking about that first brad record, and even a little “trouble comes down” from satchel's EDC. yeah man. essentially demos from unfinished satchel sessions and demos from brad’s last record, these work as well as a legitimate record. why some of these didn’t make the cut for the last brad record is mad stupid, yo. seems like regan hagar, the drummer in both bands, was insistent upon getting these out. so i’d like to thank him for that. i miss satchel, and i miss what brad was on that first record. hagar and smith always seem to do good things together. proof positive here, suckers.
7. the drive-by truckers – pizza deliverance
yeah, so? it’s a reissue. what? you wanna fight me about it? HUH? didn’t thinks so. little bitch. yeah, i know, the title is dumb. even the band’s name is a little hokey, but…look…i’m tired of telling you motherfuckers about DBT. this is our generation’s lynyrd skynyrd. don't lie. you know how cool you thought those skynyrd dudes were when you were little. i don’t mean the band, i mean the guys who listened to skynyrd. you know…drivin’ a camaro, long hair, stealin’ all the younger girls, drinkin’ and shit, cigarettes, wild parties, more chicks. damm. and anyway...we all know that you yell “freebird” at concerts because it’s your ironic way of making fun of those dudes you were so in awe of when you were little. jealous. so be cool like those dudes, and listen to the Truckers TODAY!!! plus it’s got a song about a small town elderly couple’s reaction to a story in the morning paper about GG Allin’s gig in town the night before: “it says he took the microphone and shoved it up his ass!” imagine that reaction. cop this, and if you don’t like it, merle allin said he’d dig up GG and bring him to your house to stick a mic up YOUR ass. which is impossible. for you not to like this, i mean.
6. marah – if you didn’t laugh you’d cry
i wonder what i’d think of bruce springsteen if i’d heard him before “born in the USA.” or if he didn’t have that retarded sax player. or that guy who dresses like a gay pirate, with some pink scarf on his head, who actually turns out to be Silvio on the Sopranos, who is pretty fuckin’ cool, and believe it or not, IS that same dude in the springsteen band who wears the fuckin’ scarf on his head. marah is rock and roll in America on this record...think back alley drinkin’, the replacements, love, dylan, the city, cold sunsets, early wilco, regrets, hope, even the stones. hard not to love a record that opens with the lyrics “beer can stumblin’.” in fact, that’s gotta be right up there for best.opening.ever. the booklet is cool…reads and looks like an open notebook. and the “walt whitman bridge?” man, even though i've never been there, i've been there.
5. mike doughty – haughty melodic
still rhythmic and a little left-of-center like soul coughing, but those unlistenable, weird-for-the-sake-of-weird moments are gone. i gushed about “unsingable name” and now i can’t even get the case open, cuz once gush dries, it gets like cement. i’ve been scratching at it with my fingernails, but i’ve barely scratched the surface. at times this record feels like a reawakening, and other times it feels like the monster is still around. catchy, thoughtful, and groove-y, even in the almost all-acoustic “white lexus,” or the bluegrass-y “grey ghost.” dave matthews even drops by for a verse or two. plus, when you’re on trial for malicious mayhem, just play the judge “bustin’ up a starbucks.” you’ll be free and easy in a minute, and have a lifelong friend in the judge. and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
4. jack johnson – in between dreams
remember when i was talking about three-chord pop songs? yeah man. this is so, so sweet. laid-back and breezy, like a big old yellow summer sun in late afternoon shining and lemonade and kids playing and dogs barking and smiling…you might be crazy, and i might be high, but i swear i hear the beatles and reggae, ocean waves and hip hop in his music…or maybe i don’t so much hear it as feel it. he still can ride the rhythm like a lizard on a limb, or maybe like a stoner in hammock…i don’t know…but when it works, like on “no other way,” or “breakdown,” there is no one better. honestly, i don’t really get all that teary-eyed when he breaks into that bit about the photograph of the burning tree on “do you remember.” i swear i don't. hardly at all. i’ll be the first to admit that he shit the bed on “belle,” and his work on the current Curious George soundtrack doesn’t bode well, unless you wanna rush him into phill collins territory. but while it’s here, enjoy the ride. it’s so nice.
3. the roots – home grown volumes 1 and 2
can’t split these, silly rabbit. if you wanna dig on the roots, volume 1 is the sampler i would burn for you. for the hedz, volume 2 has more of the gems, live freakouts, and interpolations that you know you been jonesin’ for. not chronological, but you still get to hear how the band’s changed since it’s early days. what’s more, the way the songs flow [generally…there are some exceptions] is a testament to the quality of the music…rare is the rap song whose shelf-life exceeds it’s date of publication. this shit is not disposable. tons of collabos…you get d’angelo, common, mos def, martin luther, jill scott, beanie sigel’s “an ‘em” rap…and killer liner notes by ?uestlove. plus that nigga can drum…show me a better drummer and the corpse of GG Allin will stick a mic up your ass. but don’t worry, cuz there ain’t no better. drummer, i mean.
2. cody chesnuTT – live 4-16-2004
wooooooooooooo!!! got it off the DIME in May…this is the only record on the list i didn’t pay for. because you CAN’T buy it, sucka. never have i heard a man hold sway over a group of party people in the place to be like cody holds it down. motherfuckers are lucky this is so short, cuz it would be number one all over, not just here but in the polls as well. cody for president. that’s right, i said it…cody, c-o-d-y bitches, for president. we need to take it back to the foundation. support a movement, dammit!!! a ten minute version of “eric burdon?” i’m sold. he lets you see where he can take the skeleton, from a quiet a capella, to a full-blown rocker, to a slowed-down stone cold groove. not bad considering the original was an acoustic. and when it’s time to wrap it up, cody tells the band to “stick it.” mother fucker…IT’S STUCK!!! heard he is filming a documentary entitled “breaking the masterpiece,” about his current struggles with record labels. he has turned down million dollar recording contracts because they won’t re-release The Headphone Masterpiece as it is. they want him to re-record it, but that would take the living, breathing being out of it all. hope it works out for him, cuz this show shines.
1. common - be
at first, when i was thinking about this list, i was gonna base it on sheer number of plays. and so i was like, it’s gotta be common, shit got played virtually non-stop all summer. but that can’t be the only criteria, right? listen, even the intro on this record – a two-minute breeze of 70’s soul like marvin, held down with an upright bass line – is vital. after he dropped the electric circus freakout record a few years ago, he probably lost ¾ of his fan base. then this comes out and not only brings back the herd, but galvanizes the core, and brings even more into the fold. heard the advance of this and heard instant classic. then the official record comes out, and “the food” is replaced with a live version that shits all over the original. rap is not supposed to do that, right? kanye west produced and helped write all of these except one, and it seems like he pulled no punches even though he knew he had an album in the works as well. seems kinda selfless and speaks to the spark that must have been in the air when this was going down. if common is gonna save and change the face of rap, then he’s doin’ it with one foot in the system and one foot out of the system. and that’s perfect. feels timely and timeless.
that’s it. stay tuned folks, and for fuck’s sake tip your waitress.
Johnny St. Clair wuz here at 11:58 PM
6 Comments:
Good call on the Walt Whitman Bridge!
"Got a prayer in my heart I'm too scared to recite. I oughta toss that stale loaf of words to the birds as a monument to my whole life"
johnny st. clair says:
"word."
dumb song, stupid, it sucks
jerk
[2.9]
johhny says you better check ya tone, put on ya inside voice, fo i take ya ass outside.
Hey jerk [2.9],
I hear Johnny talkin bout yo mammy. You isn't gonna stand for that is you dog?
Johnny, he's probably right, you know.
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