cabman #11

“man…i was just leaving this place after work, and the craziest shit…”

“what happened?”

“i was about to get into my car, and i hear this noise. sort of metallic, muffled, like boom, boom, boom.”

“an explosion?”

“no…more like pounding or thumping.”

“ok.”

“yeah. three pounds or bangs or whatever. in pretty quick succession.”

“where were you?”

“i was coming out of this place.”

“what place?”

“i don’t want to go into that right now.”

“ok.”

“yeah…going into my car, and i hear that noise, and at first i think someone is in a car fuckin’.”

“your car?”

“no, A car.”

“oh.”

“you’re completely killing my story.”

“i am?”

“you’re focusing on all the wrong things.”

“you’re telling it.”

“i’m trying to. now, listen to me. so i’m about to get into my car, and i hear this noise. like thumping or something…BOOM BOOM BOOM…and at first, i thought someone was gettin’ it on in the parking lot.”

“ok.”

“yeah…except it wasn’t constant.”

“not constant?”

“no…there were pauses. you know, i’d hear the pounding, and then it would stop for a moment, and then it would start back up again. so, i figured it wasn’t some fuckin’ goin’ on…it was someone trapped in a trunk somewhere.”

“really?”

“yeah man, i mean, my balls got all tight and everything.”

“yuck. what for?”

“what for? BECAUSE SOMEONE’S TRAPPED IN A FUCKIN’ TRUNK!!! there was no telling what kind of horror i could have stumbled upon. i mean, they could’ve been all bloody and naked and shit. and, you know, i would have been obligated to help them escape. they might have wanted me to help get revenge on their captors. i didn’t want to get caught up in some kind of Columbian drug deal gone bad. not at five o’clock in the morning.”

“what are you talking about?”

“so i started walking through the parking lot, looking for where the sound was coming from. and the more i heard it, the more certain i was that someone was trapped in a trunk. my balls…”

“i know. so did you find them?”

“my nuts?”

“the person in the trunk.”

“naw man. there wasn’t nobody in a trunk. that’s what i was about to tell you. i started walking towards the sound, and after about five steps, i realized that the sound wasn’t in the parking lot at all. it was over the hill, down on the highway below. there was some construction work down there. they were using some hydraulic equipment to bust up some pavement.”

“so there was no one in a trunk either?”

“nope. i walked around looking – like i said – but i didn’t see anything, just that construction work on the highway below. i just walked over to the hillside and watched the sun rise over the hills above the river. it was beautiful.”

“are you high?”

“like giraffe ass.”

“man…i gotta go to work. what are you gonna do?”

“i’m gonna watch a little bit of the Flintstones and then take a nap. call me when you leave work early. i wanna go catch some catfish.”